Monday, December 19, 2011

Me and Me and Me and Me

It always feels a little strange to create pages about myself.

There's a moment that occurs in which I wonder if I am not so different from Narcissus, transfixed by his own image.  This thought rarely lasts long, though, because I realize that it is not vanity that motivates me, but rather, curiosity.   I know that I am the person in the photo, and though I should know her well -- she being me, after all -- finding the words to talk about myself sometimes eludes me.  I have so few photos of myself, so that when it comes time to put myself out there on the page, I want the page to be personal, and significant; I want it to convey something essential about who I really am.  No pressure.  Ha.

Take this page, for instance:

I was just sixteen in these photos, which were taken by my boyfriend at the time (the "him" mentioned in the journaling).  He's a Facebook friend these days, and he sent the photos to me.  Seeing them after all these years, I was amused and intrigued.  I certainly recognize this girl -- I still wear the same expressions, though the aqua suede skirt is long gone (thankfully).   Looking at these photos, I started to wonder about what was in my head back then.  What was I thinking?

When I sat down to create this page, I did not want to generalize, or journal from the outside looking in; I wanted my sixteen-year-old self to be fully present on the page.   So...I rummaged through my old journals, and discovered this "Joie de Vivre" list, along with some hilarious entries from my 1992 daily planner and a letter that my husband -- then stuck in the "friend zone" -- had sent me that year.    He said the wisest thing: "We cannot let fear push us or pain hold us back."  If only I had read his letter more carefully and truly taken it to heart, my teenage years would have been so much easier.
The page itself was created for today's October Afternoon blog challenge, which is to use both black and white and color photos.  The post also includes a chance to win a prize package from Glue Arts, and those who leave comments on the post itself will be entered to win the OA Holiday Style collection.  A winner will be announced on Christmas Eve. Be sure to check it out!

5 comments:

  1. it is a wonderful page..and i love the old photos...i have some of me that i really need to be brave enough to scrap!

    ReplyDelete
  2. beautiful page. love that old 16-yr old journal. I have mine hidden away somewhere, but I use my old quotes book all the time :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. this LO is so neat...no old boyfriend of mine would still have pix that he took of me 100 (?) years ago, let alone send them to me! Zoe looks just like you at (around) that age.

    ReplyDelete
  4. jill, i love reading your stories. and i love everything about the page. the pictures the design, the paint splatters and the circles... awesome layout!!

    ReplyDelete